Bebe is back in February, so it’s swings and roundabouts really; and Santa’s lap
OH MANCHESTER, SO MUCH TO ANSWER FOR
Manchester United have a proud tradition of gazumping their neighbours. When Manchester City won the league in 1968, United won the European Cup. When City were promoted from Division Two in 1999, United arguably bettered them by doing the treble. When City won the FA Cup in May, United won their 19th title. And so it was that, with City almost certain to go out of Big Cup last night, United decided to show they could also do failure better by hurrying through the door marked ‚Do One‘ in spectacular style.
The two Manchester clubs will now go into Big Vase, which means the indignity of sharing a TV schedule with It’s All About Amy, The Mentalist, 5 News and, worst of all, Stoke City. „It is embarrassing to be in [Big Authentic Prada Outlet Online Uk Vase],“ wept Patrice Evra. „I’ll be honest with you, the way I feel now it is [Big Cup] or nothing but when we start playing in [Big Vase] we will try to win it.“
That won’t be easy with United’s current collection of players; a mediocre and flimsy squad reflects the silent leeching of the Glazers. Since the sale of Cristiano Ronaldo in 2009, United’s net spend is lower than that of, among others, Hull, Burnley, Blackpool, Bolton and Alexa Chung. To salt their misery and compound their wound, United’s best player Nemanja Vidic could be out for a few months with ligament-based knack. Mind you, Bebe is due back in February, so it’s swings and roundabouts really.
For Manchester City, the future is brighter. They are five points clear in the Premier League and most feel that, with 10 points from six games in a group that was tougher than Weird Uncle Fiver’s lucky grundies, theirs was a fairly respectable exit. Sorry, what’s that Jens? „We don’t want to see Manchester City in [Big Cup],“ chirped Jens Lehmann on TV last night. „Man City play very, very boring football. They just make their opponents fall asleep with lots of possession. The way they play here is the way any amateur team plays, only not on such good grass.“ While those quotes might suggest that Lehmann was on some good grass himself, our lawyers would like us to point that was certainly not the case.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
„It’s total rubbish, people should stop saying such things. Did they open an investigation at half-time when it was 1-1?“ – Lyon sporting director Bernard Lacombe gets the funk on after France’s online gaming authority opened an investigation and found nothing unusual in their Big Cup win at Dinamo Zagreb, in which they trailed 1-0 after 45 minutes and were leading 7-1 30 minutes later.
YOU CAN ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT
Christmas is coming, kids, and Uefa has some timely advice for you: if there’s Authentic Prada Handbags For Agatha Ruiz Dela Prada Shoes Sale Cheap a special present that you want but which Santa says you can’t have because you’ve been a bold little brat, then put on your best clothes, sidle up on to Santa’s lap replica prada cosmetic bags, look the old codger in the eye and say WAAAAAAAAAH! WAAAAAAAAAAAAH! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! WAAAAWAAAWAAAAWAAAAAAAAAAA!!! WA!
The approach paid dividends for the FA today, as its campaign of prolonged whining and wailing convinced Uefa to cave in and suspend the last Authentic Prada Shoes Sale match of the three-match ban that Wayne Rooney was given last October for booting some Montengero player who had the temerity to take the ball off him – an international celebrity! Rooney’s reprieve means Ukraine’s players better pack extra pads just in case England’s star striker gets frustrated again when the countries meet in their last group game at Euro 2012.
„I don’t want to go into specifics about the hearing because we have been asked by the panel to make clear it was a private hearing, so I cannot breach any confidence of what was said in the room, but we are very pleased with the outcome,“ rejoiced FA mandarin Adrian Bevington. It is thus not known whether the FA boosted its case by citing the precedent set in 2005, when prolonged English whining and wailing convinced Uefa to cave in and let Liverpool compete in Big Cup despite not qualifying for it.
A year later the FA insisted on banning Rooney for three games for getting sent off for a harmless clash with Porto’s Pepe in a pre-season friendly. Somehow England’s governing body now thinks Rooney’s attack on Miodrag Dzudovic in a Euro qualifier was not as serious an offence. In fact, the official line now seems to be that whacking a player who dispossesses you is no worse than swearing at an inanimate object, an offence for which the FA insisted on banning Rooney for two matches last season. What flipping what, indeed.
„I find it a bit strange the FA are supposed to be setting an example for things yet they appeal against Wayne Rooney’s three-match ban,“ snorted Kenny Dalglish, expressing a sentiment that will surely be repeated at the appeal of every player who gets sent off in England forever more.
„Man United are like Manuel in Fawlty About Prada Products Towers. Pathetically beaten by Basel“ – Alan Gernon.
„Being a stats geek, I checked Roberto Mancini’s claim that ‚usually with 10 points [in Big Cup group stage] you always go through, 99% of the time‘. Over the last Amazon Uk Prada Shoes 10 years, the actual number is 88% (29 out of 33 teams with 10 points qualified)“ – Miguel Lobo.
„While it is unfortunate that, as you point out, Darlington didn’t do a York on a threadbare Kettering (yesterday’s Quote of the Day), I would draw your attention to the fact that we, the Quakers, are also suffering from a wantaway chairman, unpaid players, players taking paycuts, Alex Pradas Quiles a tiny squad which will likely shrink further, and a general cloud hanging over our football Agata Ruiz De La Prada Shop On Line club. Not, then, as bad a result as it may initially seem“ – Michael Price.
Send your letters to firstname.lastname@example.org. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet the Fiver.
BITS AND BOBS
Nigeria coach Stephen Keshi hopes to hand an international recall to goal-and-just-generally-hungry Blackeye Rovers striker Yakubu. „Only the fittest in Europe and Nigeria can deliver results for me,“ honked Keshi.
South Korea have sacked head coach Cho Kwang-rae in the wake of their loss to Lebanon in the World Cup 2014 qualifiers.
Aston Villa’s on-loan Jermaine Jenas won’t play again this season after undergoing surgery on his achilles-gah! „This is tragic for Jermaine,“ overstated Alex McLeish.
And we’re sure you’re all over this, but Japanese champions Kashiwa Reysol have beaten Kiwi Biggest Prada Store In London amateurs Auckland City 2-0 in the opening game Agatha Ruiz Dela Prada Messenger Bag of the farce that is the Club World Cup.
STILL WANT MORE?
„Bye bye Rooney! Bye bye Man U!“ The Swiss press displays a rare lack of neutrality in our Big Cup paper review.
Here are five things Amy Lawrence learned from this week’s Big Cup action, plus a gallery of the 16 surviving teams.
Scrates‘ football philosophy, a series of electric-shockers and Chelsea v Manchester City memories all feature in this week’s Classic YouTube.
And it’s still Arabic football week, which means you get a special edition of Classic Arabic YouTube and The Joy of Six: Arabic sport.
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